Humor

Here are some jokes from G. Edward Griffin's newsletter, Unfiltered News 2013 December 6.

Bruce

'Unfiltered News is as serious as it gets, but laughter is good for the soul and helps to keep our equilibrium amid the chaos. So, here are quips, gags, and images to put a smile on your face.

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightgown. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'
So he tied her up and went golfing.

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!' The husband said, 'I can't believe it! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?' 'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' 'Can you read this?' the optician asked. 'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! Turn them! Hurry up! Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. Use the salt! USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'

The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.''